Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Principle 1: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
"When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity."
Our instinct is to blame others for mistakes. No matter how wrong people are, most will justify their actions. When someone thinks that they're not at fault, criticism is futile. It hurts their sense of pride, arouses resentment and makes them defensive.
If someone is receptive to your approach, they’ll likely want to hear what you have to say. By rewarding good behavior, you make lasting changes. Through positive reinforcement, people learn faster and retain knowledge longer. It takes self-control not to criticize, condemn or complain. That's why lavishing praise shows good character.
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
There's a difference between appreciation and flattery: appreciation is unselfish and sincere, flattery is selfish and insincere. Appreciation expresses the good we see in others. Flattery tells someone what they already think of themselves.
Food, shelter, money - are all well-known and glorified human wants. But humans desire to feel important too. It's the reason we wear luxury brands, want to study at the best schools, and boast about our jobs.
Showing appreciation and giving encouragement makes people feel important. Sharing honest compliments not only gets you what you want but also becomes a cherished motivator for the person.
Principle 3: Induce an eager want in the other person.
We all have personal interests. This summary links our interest in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. By talking about what you want - a Carnegie book summary - you decided to read more. To influence people, you need to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
If you can see things from the other person's view, each party benefits from negotiations - rather than walking away, feeling manipulated.